Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Been sent an 'anonymous' email or received an 'anonymous' phonecall smearing me?

Ben Weerheym: His TRUE background and REAL story. Don't beleive what leftist hatemongers have to say, read it HERE! Ben Weerheym.
It's kind of funny when I think about it. Going on what malicious left wing extremists or your generally ignorant member of the public would lead us to beleive is that I am some sort of hate filled psychopath that doesn't have a good bone in his body. For years now I have been under repeated attack by these people in various ways and it continues to this very day.

The kind of ongoing torment I have encountered at the hands of these hatemongers I thought was only possible in the movies and going on how so called 'anti-racists' parade themselves around, I never thought they were capable of it.

I would like to take this chance to provide you with my side of the story so I'll start from the beginning. Hopefully this may clear up a few misconceptions that may have been put out into the ether by bigots or just misinformed members of the public.

Back in 2004 I involved myself with some activity to do with the Australian Nationalist Movement (ANM) headed by the infamous Jack van Tongeren. In July that year, I along with about eight members and associates of the ANM were arrested as a result of a spate of grafitti and posters that were put over the front of Asian Resturaunts, A Refugee Advocates private residence and a Synagogue and mistakingly [to which I am ashamed of] the wall of a War Widows Guild. I was not responsible for doing any of the grafitti however I admitted to driving the vehicle for two others who did.

In the end of it I faced a six month jail sentence which was suspended for 12 months just so long as I did not break the law in this period of time and at this, I did not.

At no time do I want anyone to think I am trying to make excuses for my actions yet I am more hoping that people of more of an open mind that are understanding will take into account that there are always contributing factors and that these deserve to be taken into consideration.

Going Back.

When I was 14 years old, my loving mother was diagnosed with Ovarian and Bowel Cancer. This devastated my family but all I can remember was a feeling of numbness as if it really wasn't a big issue. I would later realise that it infact was a big issue and this was just my way of blocking it out and pretending everything was going to be allright. What seemed like years of Chemotherapy then came for her, me coming home from school or bringing freinds over to a very gaunt and pale mother, often being sick from her bed was common thing.

I had turned 15 and had hit the age that most teenage boys start to act up and experiment with things but I guess I had a bit more on my plate than your nice family with 2.5 kids and a picket fence. Looking back, I see that with all the turmoil going on around my family situation plus my rebellious and hyperactive adolescent years I started abusing drugs and alcohol. I started going to rave parties and fell into a lifestyle that I would much rather forget about. I was pretty much at my peak fitness skateboarding, cycling, a team member of my local footy club and playing centre in basketball, this is when I got involved in the rave scene. Eventually this saw me gravitate toward the more unsavoury elements of society, but more about this later.

My mothers diagnosis had a heavy impact on my father whom I looked up to very much. He had been fighting his own demons for a long time. These demons were depression and alcohol. Whilst maintaining a successful career as an Architect and designing a number of award winning buildings in the Netherlands, Canada and of course, Australia, he exessively drank alcohol. All through my growing up, from a baby to a young man, he suffered from depression and as a large amount of people with this genetic predisposition, he turned to alcohol for releif. My father was never a violent man, I can't remember him once getting angry and raising a fist at me or my family or anyone else for that matter. In a way I like to think this has rubbed off on me as I beleive that the only time I would lift my fists would be to protect myself. Anyone who tells you different is a liar, end of story.

After a couple of years my mother was told she had gone into remission but chances were, the cancer would be coming back. By this time I had left school and was hanging around with people who were atleast 5 years older than me. Time went by and more of the 'fun' reason I went to nightclubs and raves deminished, with the deminishing of this came the more criminalistic and negative people involved. With what I was doing to myself it was hard to define who was a freind that could be trusted and who wasn't.

My mother had gone into remission and won her life back. She was rejuvinated and ready to take life by the horns but my father had well and truly moved to a dark place by this stage. His work had been effected by the stress and alcohol and he had retired and my mother moved out of our family home to begin some-what of a new life. Our home was sold and after a few accidents including breaking his neck and crashing his car, my father retired into a small retirement villa. This was a far cry from the many unique houses he had designed for us to live in.

After years of mere existance, my father was told he had a cancerous growth on one of his lungs. He went into surgery in a very unhealthy state and there were complications and he died. I guess it was a case of "the operation was a success but the patient died". I obviously reacted badly to this and began on a path of self destruction, living in my Northbridge rented house that was frequented by criminals bearing drugs and whatever else. Anger was bubbling underneath my social and often freindly demeanor and Jack van Tongeren appeared on a few news reports on the TV. I was angry and had felt simple negative racist thoughts for years now and here was my chance to let it all out, a way to channel my agression and anger out instead of being frustrated at life.

I sent a letter to van Tongeren upon his release from prison in July of 2003 (I think) and time went by. Around the time of being contacted by one of the ANM members to 'come on board', my mother had come out of remission and was told that her cancer had come back and was spreading from her Abdomen around her body to places like her lungs and other vital organs. I soon hooked up with van Tongeren and suggested I could use my skills in Video Production to his advantage and produce a documentary outlining the charter and ambitions of the ANM. I then became involved with numerous members of the ANM and became active in doing 'poster ups' - placing posters all around the Perth metropolitan area (to this day I am sure in saying that I never posted malicious or racially vilifying posters, the ones I admit to and only ones I would ever admit to featured political slogans).

I would visit my mother who had been reduced to a hospital bed in a siblings house. At first I shrugged her sickness off as if it was just going to like the last time but looking back I know that I didn't see the greater pasrt of her misery and pain. Not too long after I received a call from another sibling saying we had to go to my mum, I just thought this was a visit. When I got there I was met by extended family, my mums freinds and family freinds of whom I had not seen for years. I didn't register what was going on and a close freind of my mothers told me to brace myself before going in to see her. I barged past him and went straight to her and found a skeleton clad in skin heaving for breath and biting the air for more. It wasn't like an intentional action, it was as if the brain and body had hit natural human instinct and had to replenish the oxygen in it's lungs. I couldn't let my emotions flow, it might have had something to do with people I hadn't seen for a long time being present, I don't know. From what I can gather, I switched off and shortly left the room and plonked myself down on a couch in the lounge room and started reading a magazine. I don't know how much time passed but people started coming from my mothers room, some sobbing and some with a kind of look of confirmation on their faces. I jumped up and went straight in to see what was going on in the room, my mother was not heaving anymore, she was quiet. I sat down and took her head in my hands and wept with my head against hers. This was the last time I would smell the life of my mother.

I went to stay with one of my siblings south of Perth to slowly recouperate and force myself back into reality. It was suggested that I should give broadcast radio a go so I went to the local station. I spent some months there trying in edge my way in with the talents I had previously learnt in the couple of courses I had done but never really snapped out of the mind-set that had been hanging around since my mothers death so it really hindered me in being myself. A few months passed and I was back in contact with the boys from the ANM and moved into a house back in Como near the city. I became an employee of one of the ANM members and a clubhouse was soon established for a break away group from the ANM - the White Devils. Our activity increased as I got more reckless, the situation I found myself in was that I felt more obliged to undertake particular things that I was not comfortable with - this is when the spate of grafitti occoured around Perth in July of 2004 where I was the driver.

To cut this long story short, I have been punished for my actions many times over yet to this day I am attacked by people who would have us beleive that they are decent and welcoming members of society. The truth is, the people who actively go out of their way to sabotage my life have proven to me that they are the most hate filled, malicious people I could imagine.

On top of all of the stress they purposely create for me both mental and emotional, I also suffer from clinical depression which effects my anxiety which in turn makes life much harder to live than it should be. These people know this and this is why they do it. The message I have received from them by their actions and speech itself is that they would no sooner be happier than if I went out and killed myself. But I would never let these vindictive people or my witts get the better of me!

I regret being involved with the ANM and it's actions and am rather ashamed of it. I admit that I made concious decisions and getting myself involved in the goings on of the group was of my own doing.

To the present day

I now live as far away from Perth as I could get and have done a number of things to give myself a bit of a chance at moving ahead and getting an actual career hapenning. I try to live the most healthy life I can and enjoy meeting new people. Like anyone, I have political opinions and views but these have mellowed over time as focussing on my livelihood, future and family are are what's most important to me. I am also not a member of any group, political party or organization, well, except my local library and video store, anyone who says different is lying.

I have had the press in this town come looking for information about me no doubt to ruin anything I have accomplished. This has not had the ramifications I thought it would thanks to understanding and open minded people. I work with Aboriginal students as part of my studies and my main lecturer is African-American. If I was the hate-filled White Supremacist type that certain people would have you beleive then either I have my wires crossed or they are just setting out to cause me greif!

I had a good talk to a helpful yet nuetral person about what has and is going on against me and, like others I have spoken to, it was reccomended that I not stick my neck out as it is quite obvious that certain people have a vendetta against me and wish to see harm done to me. I said to this person that I could not understand how these people could possibly think I could put something back into society and become a helpful part of the community (which is what I want to do and be) when all they seem intent on doing is attacking me and going out of their way to ostracise me. The response from this very nuetral person was "they don't, they are using you as a symbol, the more attention you give them, the more you will be sucked back into things". This is very true and this is why the site that I was an editor for has now been removed from the internet.

I have published this single blog post to get a number of things off my chest and to help even up the scales when it comes to all of the denigrating and insulting things that people have written about me. I have also said and written a number of hateful things in an angered state that I have later regretted.

Yet still to this day I still am being vilified and victimised by certain people, people who are connected to and even behind anonymous phonecalls and emails to members of the community, employers and the media.

I have changed my surname from Weerheym (Weerheijm) to Williams, if you have received one of these phonecalls I have been talking about then you will already know this. There are a couple of reasons for the name change, I will tell you now...

Firstly, I was getting rather sick and tired of spelling my name out at least three times a day for people and people pronouncing it the wrong way and secondly I wanted to give myself a bit of a chance for people to actually get to know the real me instead of coming to a conclusion based on my past. After a bit of thinking, I changed my first name from Benjamin to Benedict as I have been through so much and had so much thrown at me that I must be blessed to still be around, besides, I always thought Benjamin sounded to cutesie-pie.

When it comes down to it, I react well to positive people and positive environments. I actually have a great sense of humour and love to joke about. After so many years of negativity, I just want to live a more fulfilling life without the constant worry of thinking that I have something to hide or having what I have worked toward being destroyed by others who seem to use me to get a feeling of sadistic fulfillment or to further their own agenda, whatever that may be. I am the first to admit that I have not gone about things the right way in trying to move ahead but I have been in a very difficult situation. For me it's more about healthy body, healthy mind. One last thing; if you see me walking down the street or out and about and you have something to say or any questions, don't lie and gossip about whatever you think you have heard, come and speak to me, I don't bite!

Jeez, who am I anyhow!?